Ugly Side
by Crash Hale
Summary: After her divorce Rosalie is sure she doesn't deserve to ever be happy again. Jacob plans to prove her wrong. AH. Rated M.
1. Prologue

**This is a Jacob/Rosalie fic, my second one. I think this pairing is way underrated and more people should explore it. At first this fic will focus on Rosalie, but Jacob will come into it shortly, don't you worry, ladies. The banner and video can be found by following my graphics website link and going under the relevant pairing.**

**Ugly Side is rated MA for mature audiences. All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. This storyline is mine though.**

**I'm dedicating Ugly Side to all those people who encourage me to keep writing even on the days I feel it's not worth it. You know who you are. I promise I will try to focus on the good stuff, _Live True_. And the good stuff is you, and readers like yourself.**

**Lastly, a huge thank you to _jkane180_ for agreeing to beta. Anyone who willingly offers their time and skill is awesome in my books. Is there a beta appreciation day? I think everyday should be one! Thanks again!**

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_Prologue_

Rosalie Hale took the five steps towards her father's front door at an achingly slow pace. She knew that as soon as she rang the doorbell, a part of her life—a _huge_ part—would be over.

It was her fault, she told herself. She couldn't blame Emmett for not wanting her anymore.

The unwelcoming sound of the doorbell echoed inside the house when her finger pressed down on the fading white button.

She stood there, dread passing through her even stronger than before, while waiting for the door to open and reveal her father.

When he heard the chimes sound throughout the house, Alexander Hale went to greet his daughter unenthusiastically. He knew if she was here, the news wasn't good.

"Hi, Daddy." She spoke first, her voice trembling slightly.

"Rose," he paused, "What's going on?"

"I… Emmett and I are…" She swallowed hard, the pain not going down easily. She had yet to say the words out loud. "We're getting a divorce."

Alexander couldn't say he was surprised. He'd never approved in the first place, especially after the way she ran away with Emmett, and they married in Las Vegas without anyone's approval. Still, that was a long time ago, and she'd only been here to visit him a handful of times since.

"So you want to move back home?"

Rosalie knew this wouldn't be easy, or right on her part, but she really didn't have another choice. "Just until I find a new place. I won't be here long."

"What about the house?"

"Emmett wants it. He's going to buy me out." Although she loved the house the two of them had made a home, she knew she wouldn't be able to live in it without him.

Alexander nodded. "Do you have any of your things with you?"

"Just a bag in the car," she answered.

"I'll get you some clean sheets and towels. I'll put them in the guest room."

As he walked away, she went back down to her car to grab her bag. She'd go back to the house to get the rest of her things soon, but for now, this was all she had.

When she was back in her childhood home, she tried to remember what it was like before her mom left. The house was full of life back then. Now, not only did the house feel empty, but her soul did too.

"I'm ordering Chinese. You want anything?" Alexander asked as he emerged from the guest room.

"No, thanks. I think I'm just going to go to sleep."

He nodded and walked past her. He wished at times that he was more affectionate to his daughter—but he'd become bitter over the years and was of no use to anybody anymore.

Rosalie curled up on the small bed and cried until there were no more tears left to cry. She knew that tomorrow she'd be strong and deal with the card life had dealt her, but for now, she allowed herself to be weak and break down quietly.


	2. Chapter 1

**Thank you everyone for reading. I really hope you are enjoying it. Once again, thank you to _jkane180_ for her wonderfulness *smiley face***

**One thing most of my readers know about me is that I like to change little things with character appearances; such as Emmett having blonde hair and Alice having long hair. It's just how I like them, I'm aware of what they're like in Twilight. Don't be bothered by stuff like that, this isn't really Twilight anyway, I'm free to change what I wish, as is everyone with their own stories. Thanks for listening/reading.**

**Oh, also, we all know this is rated MA and SM owns her characters, right? No need to mention it again, you know it, I know it, we all know it. Good. On with the story. Enough of my notes.**

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_Chapter One_

A mere two days after moving out, I received a text message from Emmett. It informed me that he'd be away on business for the next three days, and I was free to come and move myself out if I had the time.

I decided that I might as well get it over and done with now while he was away. I'd told Emmett that I thought it was a good idea we see each other as little as possible, and I still believed that. Seeing him would only make it hurt more. This—_being without him_—made it real. I needed to force this new reality on myself so that I could accept no longer having him in my life.

Jasper told me he'd help move me out. Since he had a truck, it would be much more helpful than my small Honda.

Thankfully, he was already waiting in front of the house when I arrived shortly after leaving work for the day. I was afraid to have time in the house alone if I had to wait for him.

He stepped out of his truck and gave me a sad smile, opening his arms as I got closer. I tried my hardest not to cry and simply enjoy the comfort he provided. Yet, a few tears still escaped and soaped into his flannel shirt.

"How you doin', Rosie?"

I returned his smile as I looked up from his chest, his arms still around me tightly. "I'm doing okay," I lied.

He nodded and kissed my forehead. "Okay, let's do this. I'm dying to go through your clothes," he laughed. He obviously saw right through me, but he knew to play into my lies when I needed him to.

"You're a perv," I stated, trying to join in on the joke.

"I, my lady, am a gentleman." He changed his tone, stepping aside so I could get to the front door.

"Sure, sure," I agreed while unlocking the door with my keys. Once I was done here, they'd no longer be mine. I'd leave them on the hook for Emmett to do with as he wished. This wasn't my home anymore so the keys were useless to me.

We stepped into the house, and I took a deep breath while looking around. Mine and Emmett's wedding photos still sat on top of the fireplace; a bunch of my photography equipment was still on the dining room table. It was as though everything was still the same—no real sign of the drastic change our lives were taking.

"Did you bring boxes?" Jasper asked in a gentle tone.

"Emmett said he'd put a bunch in the garage for me," I answered, pulling my eyes away from everything that was so familiar. How was I supposed to just pack up my life and start over? It felt impossible.

"I'll go get them. We should start there anyway." I swallowed the lump in my throat that seemed like it had found its permanent home there. I hated the damn thing.

Jasper followed me into the garage. Emmett had turned it into a studio for me years ago, but I guess it was still considered a garage. Well, as least as soon as all my things were out of it, it would become one again. Emmett never did like leaving his car in the driveway anyway.

I pushed the button by the door, and it opened up to reveal Jasper's truck and my car in the driveway where we could easily begin loading my things.

"Does Maria know you're here?" I asked as I began folding up a box.

Jasper gave me an all-too-familiar look and smiled. "No, she thinks I'm working late."

Jasper's girlfriend Maria had been jealous of our friendship since they first began dating two years ago. She didn't believe a man and woman could be friends the way Jasper and I were.

In reality, Jasper was more of a brother than anything—we even _looked_ like siblings. We'd grown up together throughout school and had always been there for each other. He was my best and closest friend; there was no way I'd screw that up by fucking him.

Besides, as good-looking as he may be, the thought of him in any sexual act grossed me out. Maria honestly had nothing to worry about.

The two of them had been living together for almost a year now. I hardly ever went over because I knew it made her uncomfortable. If Jasper was with anyone other than her, I'm sure he'd have offered for me to stay with them, but alas, he _was_ with her.

He was my best friend, and I believed he deserved better than an evil, jealous bitch with tacky fake nails and big, overdone hair styles. Perhaps, to me, no one would ever be good enough for him. He was a saint, in my opinion, after all.

I didn't let him know any of this, of course—he didn't need to go getting full of himself, and more importantly, he didn't need to know that I didn't approve of his choice of women.

"Well, I really do appreciate the help, even if it's causing you to lie to your girlfriend."

He shrugged. "It's no problem. We don't spend enough time together anyway."

I agreed, and the two of us continued to pack. There really wasn't that much stuff—just all my personal belongings. It was long and hurt even worse than I expected it to, but Jasper being with me insured I didn't break down.

Between my car and Jasper's truck, it only took one go to get everything over to my father's garage.

"Can I buy you dinner?" I asked Jasper as we were putting the last of the boxes down.

He wiped his hands against his jeans and spoke with regret. "I wish I could, I want to, but Maria's expecting me home soon. You know how she hates me being late."

I tried my best not to roll my eyes. "Yes, I do." Now that Emmett and I were no longer together, it only gave Maria more reason to be paranoid over Jasper and I hanging out. "Thanks for everything."

"You know it's no problem. I wish I was there for you more," he said sadly.

I shook my head. "It's okay, really; I need time alone now anyway. To rebuild and all." I shrugged—again trying to be believable.

"You'll see; things will be better for you with time. Promise. And that idiot will realize how stupid he was for letting you go."

"Maybe." I doubted it, but I loved him for saying that.

"Come here," Jasper grabbed my arm and pulled me into his chest even though I would have gone willingly.

I clung to him but held the tears back—held the pain back in my chest where it burned and boiled and made me want to collapse.

What if I wasn't strong enough for this? What if time didn't make things better like Jasper promised it would?

I would never be able to offer Emmett what he wanted, so how could he possibly miss me in the future? He'd soon find someone else, and the two of them would create a big, happy family together. He'd never think of me again.

I felt like I would never be good enough for anyone—because I wasn't.

When Jasper finally pulled away, he cupped my face and kissed my forehead again. "Bye, Rosie. I'll see you soon. We'll have lunch. I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll set something up."

I could only thank him once more before he got into his truck and headed home.

This gave me a chance to stare at the boxes filled with my belongings. This is all I'd ever have now; myself and my belongings. I guess it would have to be good enough.

I forced myself to be brave again and stop all this self-pitying. This wasn't me. It never had been.

I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket and called up Dad's favorite restaurant to place a takeout order. I didn't really know how to cook, so this was probably a better idea than making something myself.

I locked up the garage and headed to the restaurant to pick up the food. I only had to wait a couple of minutes before paying, and it was handed to me in bags.

As I returned back to Dad's place, he was pulling into the driveway ahead of me.

"Hey," I greeted him as we both got out of our cars. "I got dinner. Your favorite."

He raised his eyebrows then nodded in approval. "I'll set the table then. You want some wine?"

"Yeah, sounds good," I answered, following him inside with the bags of food.

"How did today go?" he asked as he pulled silverware out of the drawer.

I shrugged. "Jazz and I got everything. It's all in the garage now."

He nodded. "Good, good."

I watched him while he set the table and smiled to myself. I really loved my dad. I knew he was only distant because of how Mom had hurt him when she left. I didn't hold it against him, although I did miss those days when affection was so easily expressed—way back when I was around seven.

He was still young. I hoped he'd find someone else to let in and be happy with.

Of course, it wasn't only Mom's fault he was this way. I was such a bitch in my teenage years after she left. I blamed him for everything. Now that I realize it wasn't his fault, I deeply regret resenting him back then. He wasn't the one that chose to leave—Mom was.

When I realized he was already pouring us the wine, I quickly pulled some plates out and transferred the food from the boxes onto them.

We ate in silence. He ate much faster than me and was finished long before I was done with even half, but he still sat there with me and drank more wine.

I liked the company and hoped from now on I'd see my dad more than I had over the years since I moved out.

"You know... I know what you're going through... in a way." He seemed a little uncomfortable as he spoke. He'd never been the best person at expressing himself.

I frowned as his voice sounded louder than it should have due to the intense silence. I wasn't hungry to begin with, so I pushed the rest of my tasteless food away and gave my attention to my father.

"I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you've always been a strong and independent person." He smiled to himself about something, and it was almost enough to make me smile too. He so rarely smiled anymore. "You'll get past this, and you'll be okay... There are plenty of people out there; someone else will be the right fit."

I looked down into my wine and fought the urge to question him on why he never bothered looking for another person himself.

"Emmett was the right fit." I'd always love him. I couldn't hate him for what had broken us up. I could only hate myself for the reasons behind the split. After all, he'd always given me the things I wanted. I couldn't say the same about myself though.

Emmett had been pulling away from me for a year now. This was what he wanted. I simply wasn't enough anymore.

I remember when we were nineteen and believed we were all the other needed to be happy, but not even seven years later, we realized more was needed—at least for him.

"There'll be other men, Rosalie. Focus on yourself for now, and your work."

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad. I plan on it." I had no interest in looking for another man anyway.

He gave my back a gentle rub—the first sign of contact in a long time—and began to stand.

"Dad." I stopped him.

He sat back down and looked at me.

"I'm not sorry for being with Emmett, but I am sorry for not listening to you. I was a bad daughter. I wish I'd been better."

Dad nodded. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better father too. Maybe you wouldn't have been so quick to marry him back then."

I didn't have the heart to tell him he was wrong. Even if he was a "better" father back then, it wouldn't have changed how badly I loved and wanted to be with Emmett.

We were crazy about each other, and I'd give anything to have that with him again. I wished for the times when things were simpler.

"Maybe," I falsely answered, allowing him to leave the table this time.

Perhaps he thought he was right, but I knew he wasn't.

I may only be twenty-seven, and there may be plenty of men out there that would be good for me, but I wasn't good for them—I'd never be.

Besides, right now, I couldn't even imagine being with anyone other than Emmett.

After clearing the table, I wished Dad an early goodnight. I didn't have the energy for anything lately. I felt tired and just wanted to sleep all the time.

I grabbed some clean underwear and pajamas and headed to the bathroom for a shower. Looking at myself in the mirror wasn't easy.

I used to see bright blue eyes, vibrant blonde hair—myself. Now there were still blue eyes and blonde hair, but I was no longer behind it.

Plus, I looked horrible with dark circles under my eyes from oversleeping and crying every chance I got. My hair looked like I didn't give a shit—which I didn't—and I'd lost far too much weight. I really only ate when I remembered I needed it to live.

With a sigh, I looked away and undressed, stepping into the shower and getting under the water with my eyes closed.

_My scream echoed against the tiles as Emmett grabbed me from behind. No matter the amount of times he crept into the shower when I was in it, it still startled me every time._

_I pulled away, slapping his arm as I turned. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I wondered._

_He only responded with a dimpled, childish grin. I loved that smile._

_I shook my head and ran my hands over my face. "You scare me when you do that."_

_Emmett pouted and moved in closer, wrapping his arms around my waist and causing our naked bodies to press against each other. I couldn't help but be turned on by the contact._

"_You know me, baby, I'm all pro environment and shit... _Save water; shower with a friend_." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully._

_I rolled my eyes and gave another scream when he reached down to grab my ass and lift me up._

"_I'm trying to shower here," I informed, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders._

"_And I'm trying to get a little action here," he returned._

_I couldn't help but laugh; he knew I was always up for the action too. I leaned down for a kiss, moving my fingers into his soft, blonde hair to hold him closer._

The water washed my tears away as they came.

I knew it hadn't been long, but I felt like it would never stop hurting. I didn't know how to be without him.


	3. Chapter 2

**N/A at end.**

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_Chapter Two_

Nearly three weeks had gone by with no luck in the apartment hunt. I had looked at about five different places but found something to hate about each one.

I wanted to stick my head into the oven with the gas turned on high just thinking about all the furniture shopping I'd have to do on top of everything else too.

I hadn't done that since Emmett and I first got the house. It felt like more of a couples activity. Doing it now would only put me in a deeper depression.

Today seemed to be looking up though. I had a super busy day at work with a new photo shoot I was in charge of, which made it difficult for my mind to wander, and I'd gotten a voice mail from my realtor about a fully furnished apartment close to work. She said she'd send me an email with the information and pictures.

Before leaving the studio at work, I took a seat on one of the oversized sofas with my laptop for company.

I barely had the chance to open my email application before my cell phone began ringing. Seeing it was Esme, my boss, I answered without hesitation.

"Rosalie, you're not by any chance still in the building, are you?"

I looked around the empty studio. "Yeah, I'm in studio number two. You need me for something?"

"Could you please meet me in my office in ten? I'd like your thoughts on something."

"Sure," I answered, closing up my laptop and hanging up on the phone call. I gathered all my things and headed to the elevator, suddenly feeling drained. _Have I eaten yet today?_

Just as I realized that I only had a banana during lunch, the doors chimed and opened.

Esme was waving me into her office before I even reached her assistant's desk. She had one of those offices with glass walls, so it was easy for her to see me before I was even close.

"There's my favorite photographer!"

I smiled at her compliment and entered. She was really the greatest boss. She'd been through a divorce herself and was very sympathetic.

After a bit of small talk, she decided she wanted to dive right into it. I was shocked to learn that she'd suggested me to photograph her friend's new clothing line. He was a French designer and wanted Paris as his base backdrop for the line.

The company would pay for everything during my two week stay, and apparently, the designer already liked my work that Esme had shown him.

I was speechless and unsure.

"This is an amazing opportunity, and you're a talented young photographer; you deserve this experience."

"I know, and I'm so thankful, but I'm not sure it's really a good time right now." I honestly wasn't sure how I felt—my response just seemed like the right one to give at this time in my life.

"Actually, it's the _perfect_ time. Think of it as something to break up stages in your life. Trust me, after my divorce, I visited Italy for a month. It showed me how much more there is to life... And when you come back, you can make a fresh start for yourself." She smiled genuinely and sat back in her chair.

"But I'm not even divorced yet."

"You will be soon, Rose, and you'll be okay. You'll come out of it a stronger person."

How was that even possible? It was kind of starting to bother me that everyone kept telling me it would all be okay. They couldn't possibly know how I was feeling.

I looked at her without any sense of time until she leaned forward again. "Listen, take some time and think it over. Let me know by the end of the week? He'll need you there next month if you accept."

I thanked her while still confused and awed and somehow made my way out of the building and down the street to a restaurant. I figured I should probably eat before passing out behind the wheel and killing someone.

After ordering the fish special, I opened my laptop up and finally got to the email I was interested in.

My brain was in a spin between the Paris job and this beautiful _furnished_ apartment. The email informed that the apartment would become free next month and was up for either rent or purchase.

It was in my price range, especially considering the money from Emmett for my half of the house would pay for almost half of it.

For the first time in a long time, I felt almost giddy with all the good news I'd received today. _Almost_.

I sent her back an email telling her that I'd be free tomorrow if she could set up a showing.

The fish arrived, and I ate it while in deep thought over Paris again. I supposed Paris couldn't make me feel any more horrible than I was already feeling; if anything, it would only help pull me into my work some more.

Maybe Esme knew what she was talking about. Who was I to question an older, more experienced woman?

An hour later, I was at Dad's place at the kitchen table, working on editing the photos I'd taken earlier today. I had tomorrow to do it, but considering my realtor had called and set up an afternoon showing, I was trying to get some of it done now.

When my cell phone rang again, I expected anyone's name to show up besides the one that actually did.

_Emmett McCarty._

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me. How're you doing?"

And suddenly I was more confused with just hearing his voice than I was by the news at work. We hadn't actually talked since I moved out. We agreed on pretty much everything, so there really was no need to do anything but the tons of paperwork our lawyer sent us.

"Fine. You?"

"You know, been better."

I nodded to myself and sat back in the chair. "Is everything okay with the paperwork I sent over?" I wondered. I hated how awkward it suddenly felt talking to the person I'd been closest to for so long.

"Oh, yeah, yeah... I'm just here at home, looking through some pictures and stuff..."

_Damn it, Rosalie, don't cry. Don't cry._

He cleared his throat on the other end, and I knew all too well that meant he was trying not to show weakness. "You know I'm so sorry, Rosie..."

"You can't keep saying that, Em." I inhaled that stupid way that indicated tears were about to follow. I glanced at the oven, seriously contemplating sticking my head in there right fucking now.

"I know. I know I shouldn't have called. It just kills me knowing you're hurting over this."

"Emmett," I sighed.

"Did you want to get together and talk or something?"

Being with him is all I wanted, but for both our sakes, it was a bad idea. Out of some surprisingly rational side of me, I answered with a, "No." Unconvincing as it was, it was still the correct answer.

He was silent, which only forced me to say more.

"Look, Em, please work on your new life. Don't worry about me. I'm going to be okay." At least, that's what they were all telling me.

"You're crying," he stated.

"_Please_." Now I was frustrated. What did he want from me? "You can't just call me because you're sorry you want kids, and I can't give them to you, okay!" I blew up, tears breaking through harder. "Stop reminding me of how useless you think I am. It's not fucking fair. You already broke up with me over it." My sobbing was embarrassing, so I hung up before I did any more damage.

I look a deep breath and pushed myself back from the table, curling into my lap and clutching onto my cell phone until it hurt my palm.

I was pretty sure there wasn't another human being more pathetic than I was right now. I was a woman, and I couldn't even give my husband children. I think that defined uselessness.

Even through my sobs, I heard the front door open, indicating Dad was home.

"Fuck," I mumbled into my hands. _I hate myself._

"Rose..."

And now my father gets to see the mess his daughter has become? _Excellent_. Could things get any worse? I'd already failed at my marriage, and now I was failing on this strong persona he thought I had too.

I wanted him to be proud of the person I'd become, not ashamed.

His hand was gentle on my back as he rubbed it. "I'm sorry, honey..."

I didn't want to be this person that broke down every day. It wasn't me; I was always stronger than this. In losing Emmett and our marriage, I felt I'd also lost myself.

I couldn't help it. I knew I didn't deserve anyone's comfort, but I still pulled myself out of my lap enough to throw my arms around my father's shoulders. He adjusted himself so that he was now kneeling on the floor beside me instead of just bending over.

His hug was warm and strong—exactly what I needed.

We hadn't hugged in a long time, but I remembered right away how good it always felt, no matter what mood I was in. I was small again, and he could protect me like I so badly needed him to.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I mumbled and sobbed into his shoulder.

He hushed me and didn't move an inch, his hold firm. I relaxed a little against the wall he'd created for me and continued to cry.

I hated the fact that crying into his shoulder felt better than crying into a pillow. I was sure he didn't need this crap from me.

I apologized again, my words skipping over a hiccup as my cries began dying down slowly.

Before I was ready for him to pull away, he did. He wiped one side of my face with his hand and pushed my hair away since it was beginning to stick. Looking into his clear blue eyes, I felt like a child again.

"Why don't I make you some tea and you go lay down on the couch, okay?"

I brought my hands to my face to wipe up the tears and nodded.

"Okay," he said, standing and going to the kettle.

I took a deep breath to help steady myself and closed my laptop screen before going into the living room. I lay down on the couch and pulled the blanket over myself that Dad always kept over the back of the seat.

I used to do this when I was younger and not feeling well. Something about that sense of home I wanted came washing over me and was nearly enough to clear my head.

I closed my eyes and took even breaths to try and prevent the headache I felt coming on.

Emmett had told me he still loved me when we'd made the final decision to divorce, but I honestly felt like that was only his guilt making him think that way. He obviously felt badly about the way we turned out, but that didn't mean it wasn't what he wanted.

He did. We talked it over, and over, and _over_.

We'd begun trying for kids around three years ago.

After two years of no luck, the doctor told me it was pretty much out of the picture that I'd ever be able to become, and stay, pregnant.

I gave up after that. I told Emmett that my inablity to conceive was a sign that it wasn't in the cards for me, and I was so tired—as was my body—with all the tests and drugs I'd tried. I wasn't interested in continuing it and forcing something that clearly didn't want to be forced.

I asked him if he was interested in adoption—something I really believed in—but he said it wasn't the same. Every single thing we came up with, we couldn't agree on.

Emmett and I had always agreed on everything, so having such vast differences on the subject put a gaping whole in our relationship that had never been there before.

During the last year, he pulled away. I didn't blame him. I knew it was hard for him to learn that his wife, and therefore he, couldn't have children naturally. He'd always been good with kids, and as far back as I can remember, we both wanted to have a whole bunch. We were both only children, so maybe that was why.

Everything we tried doing together became forced, and my heart broke a little more with each and every single day I realized the love of my life no longer saw me the way he always had.

We stopped having sex, going out on dates, and hanging out together. I tried; I bought sexy new outfits and planned fun activities, but he just never noticed anymore.

He'd always made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, but after everything, I knew he no longer saw me as such. And I hadn't felt beautiful since then.

Everything over the last year or so blurred together and combined in unpleasant dreams.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up on the couch. It was dark, but I could see well-enough. A cup of tea sat on the coffee table, definitely cold now, and the digital clock on the DVR read 12:39.

Tears appeared at their own command, as they so much liked to do these days. I decided to just curl up and continue the rest of my night here.

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**Please understand that Rosalie's views are not my own. **

**Thank you to jkane180 for the beta skills.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Thank you to jkane180 for her beta job!**

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_Chapter Three_

I woke up several times throughout the night. The couch was comfortable enough; it was just that the dreams kept appearing every time I closed my eyes. I didn't want reminders anymore. I wished I could just stop thinking and dwelling on things so much.

At around seven, I decided to get up off the couch and start my day. After all, I was going to go see my new apartment. That was sure to be exciting. I smiled to myself at how silly it was of me to pretend that this apartment would be the one.

After showering, doing my hair and make-up the best that I could, and dressing, I made coffee and sat back at the kitchen table to continue the editing that I'd started last night.

Dad woke up shortly after smelling the wonderful aroma of coffee throughout the air and came in to make himself a cup.

"You okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "Thanks for last night. I have no idea how I fell asleep."

"It only took me about five minutes to get the tea to you, but you were already asleep."

"Well, thanks anyway, Daddy. I needed that hug." I gave him a smile. I wanted him to know I really appreciated him and loved having him as my dad. I was an idiot all those years ago to think otherwise.

He looked down, seeming slightly uncomfortable. "Makes me feel like you're a little girl again... especially when you call me that."

I smiled wider, remembering that he'd been my hero when I was a little girl. "We used to be crazy about each other," I laughed at the memory. "Remember?"

He looked at me and smiled as well. "Yeah, _love you like crazy, crazy_," he quoted himself, using that same silly voice I used to love when I was a kid. He looked down into his coffee again. "I still am crazy about you. Your mother and I may have been wrong for each other, but having you wasn't. I'm sorry if I make you feel like it was."

I shook my head. "You don't. It's okay; I know you love me."

He stood silently for a moment then nodded, walking past me and placing his hand on my shoulder. "I've got to get ready for work."

I continued with my editing until the time came to leave. I decided to leave a little early, so I could take a walk around the area and see what was around.

The drive from my father's place wasn't too long. I found parking in a plaza close to the apartment building and began my walk, stepping into the stores that sparked my interest and even getting myself a sandwich at the deli.

Almost as soon as I'd finished eating, my cell phone rang. It was my realtor, telling me she was running a few minutes late and she'd meet me soon.

I noticed a small strip of stores were on the lower level of the huge apartment building, so I decided to waste some time looking through them.

The first one I spotted brought something to the surface. I had always wanted a tattoo but never gotten one because Emmett didn't like them.

The tattoo parlor seemed nice enough from the outside, so I took my chances and stepped into the shop. A bell chimed to indicate my entrance as I looked around.

The walls were covered with different designs and colors, but the place looked clean and inviting.

"Be right with you!" someone yelled from the back.

I glanced in the direction before walking to a wall to have a closer look. There were designs ranging from angels to demons, flowers to trucks, and all different fonts.

"Hey, there."

I smiled as I turned to greet the person. He was offering a bright white smile and his hand.

I shook it, and my hand felt tiny in his large one.

"Interested in a tattoo?" he asked in an almost teasing tone.

I shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and shrugged. "This is the first time I thought about it with a chance that I might actually do it."

"Scared?"

"No..." I shook my head. "Nothing like that."

"Okay then, you ever thought about what you'd be interested in getting?"

"I thought about getting a rose on my ankle or something... but that was in the past. I'm not sure what I'd like now."

He was wearing a black t-shirt, and his many tattoos were visible against his arms and up the side of his neck. I guess he had too many to decide from, so he just went for them all. It looked nice against his tanned skin.

"I always think text looks nice on girls... maybe if you have something in mind, you can choose a font... But either way, we have books upon books of ideas, if you'd like to sit and go through them... I have an appointment coming in soon, but I'd be happy to give you our card if you'd like to talk about it more."

"That would be great, thanks." I was thankful for his helpfulness.

He pointed me over to the seats and handed me a few books. I sat down and began looking through one.

Before I had the chance to look at the second one, I got a text that my realtor was waiting by the elevators for me.

I stood back up and put the books on the table.

The young man returned, and I couldn't help but return his smile. "I'm sorry. I've got to get going."

"Scare you off, did I?"

I laughed, and his smile only got bigger.

"No, I'm not easily scared. I'm just checking out one of the apartments in the building."

"Oh, cool. My sister lives here. It's a great building."

"Yeah, I hope I like it. Apartment hunting is a pain."

He nodded and handed me a card. I turned it over to see 'Jake' written in pencil. "Call me if you want to talk about your tattoo more."

I nodded and shook his hand again. "Thanks, Jake."

"Not a problem..."

"Rose."

"Rose." He nodded.

"Okay, thanks again. Bye."

He gave me a wave before I hurried off.

As I stepped outside, I let out a breath I wasn't aware I'd been holding in. I had no idea why though.

I pushed it aside and quickly made my way over to the elevators to greet my realtor. Together, she and I went up to the fifth floor, where the apartment was located.

The owner was at work right now. She'd been offered a higher position at the company she worked for, and it would be taking her out of the state. Instead of dragging everything along with her, she'd decided to make a fresh start.

Lucky for me because I loved each and every single thing in the apartment. It was decorated in light tones and had big windows overlooking a good amount of trees.

It didn't even take me half an hour to tell my realtor I'd take it. She seemed happy and told me she'd get all the paperwork started soon.

Now I truly was excited - and a little afraid today would end up having the same layout as yesterday. I didn't want my day to end badly; I wanted to keep it all good. That's why I was going to call Esme later to tell her I'd be taking the job in Paris. Maybe getting away and having a big project to focus on would be good for me.

For my work experience, if for nothing else.

My realtor and I separated again after a few more moments of talking it over before I headed back to my car.

While passing the tattoo parlor, I stared at it, almost running into another person. I apologized and had to laugh at myself. If I did decide on a tattoo, it wouldn't be right now. Maybe after I got back from Paris and was moved into my new apartment.

It was an odd mix of emotions. I was excited for both new developments, but broken over the events that caused me to come to them. It defined bitter-sweet. Although, I did feel a lot more bitter than I did sweet. Hopefully that would change. I hoped everyone was right.

On the way back to Dad's, I stopped off at Whole Foods to grab us some already prepared food and a few snacks to fill the fridge up with for him. I called up Jasper while I shopped and told him all the news.

He wished me good luck and told me I deserved it. The two of us also decided on dinner next week, and he'd see what he could do to get Maria to come as well. I felt bad that they fought whenever Jasper so much as brought me up in conversation. He definitely didn't have it easy with her.

By the time I made it back to Dad's, I had a few new texts. A couple of them were for work from one of the studio assistances asking me questions, and the other from Emmett. It simply said he was sorry for upsetting me yesterday. I replied to all texts, thanking Emmett and wishing him a nice evening.

I really did want him to be happy. He'd meant the world to me for so long that it was hard not to only wish good upon him. He really was an amazing person, no matter what had happened between the two of us.

Dad and I ate dinner together again. The only time the silence was broken was when I told him about the apartment and job, and he commented on how nice it was to eat real dinner two nights in a row.

"I think you and I should start a date night."

He looked at me.

I shrugged. "If you want. I mean, I like hanging out with you."

"I'd like that." He smiled.

We were silent again until he told me to call Esme already. I was nervous but did it anyway.

She was thrilled to hear that I'd accepted and promised me this wasn't going to be something I'd regret.

_I'm going to Paris!_


	5. Chapter 4

**Thank you, jkane180!**

**Question to my readers: Any interest in Jacob POV chapters as well? I don't know if I should just keep it Rose or do both.**

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_Chapter Four_

_Two Months Later_

My strides widened as I walked past the tattoo parlor. I had no idea why my heart rate increased every damn time I looked at it. Maybe it was because I'd finally decided on my tattoo; I wanted the Eiffel Tower on the inside of my left wrist.

Esme was right; the trip gave me a chance not to dwell on my personal life so much and enjoy how far I'd come along in my career. I no longer dreamed of what it would be like to be a photographer—I was one.

I wanted to mark this time in my life and symbolize the small amount of hope I felt. I was going to hold onto that hope for dear life.

So why was I so afraid? Needles didn't scare me. Even as a child, I never cried over getting shots. Was it just that I didn't _want_ this hope that I was feeling? After all, it was a result of all I'd lost. I lost my soulmate, myself, and everything I always thought I was.

The name written in pencil on the tattoo parlor's business card burned inside my handbag: _Jake._ Jake—a stranger—had the power to symbolize this hope; my changed life.

I still wanted the old me, who, when she went home, had a loving husband waiting for her. I didn't want this new me with an amazing apartment and no one to come home to.

"Oh, my gosh! Hi!"

I almost screamed with fright as I came face to face with a perky brunette in the hallway.

"Hi..." I greeted. It sounded like more of a question though.

"You're new to the building, right?" She spoke quickly, seeming overly excited and super friendly.

"Yes. I'm on the fifth floor."

"Oh, I'm right above you, neighbor. It's _awesome_ to meet you. I'm Alice!"

"I'm Rosalie, or Rose." I extended my hand to her, offering a smile.

Alice was about my height, maybe slightly smaller, with bouncy brown hair and pretty green eyes—above all, an extremely kind appearance.

"Well, Rose, I've actually been dying to meet you. I'd _love_ it if you came to my Halloween party. Please tell me you don't already have somewhere to be that night?"

I shook my head, watching her search through her handbag.

"Oh, great! I would have just stuck the invite onto your front door, but I figured there'd be a much better chance of you coming if we talked face to face." She pulled out an orange invitation and handed it to me.

"I'd love to come. Thank you for inviting me."

"You can bring anyone you like, just let me know. I'd like to get a rough headcount—just for snacks and drinks and that kind of stuff. My number's on the invite; feel free to program it into your phone. I'm here if you need anything: sugar, an egg, shampoo..."

I couldn't keep the smile off my face if I tried. She was so nice and bubbly. "I'll send you a text, so you can have my number too."

"Oh, excellent. Ah, I'm so excited I finally met you. Do you live alone?"

I nodded, feeling lonely inside. "Yep, just me." I knew I had Dad and Jasper, but Emmett was different.

"Don't feel bad. I'm alone too. It's good being single though; I get to flirt with all the guys I want and not feel guilty over it."

I laughed. "I never thought of it that way... I'm newly single, so I don't think I even remember how to flirt."

Alice laughed too. "It comes naturally when you meet someone you like. Hey, I'll introduce you to my brother. He'll be at the party!" She was _really_ super excited now. I wasn't sure how it was possible, but her face said it all. She wanted to scream with excitement, I think.

"Oh, I don't know. I was with someone for a long time..." Suddenly, my mouth felt dry, and the thought of actually being with someone else made me feel sick. I tried not to let my face show it.

Maybe I'd just stay single and spare everyone the heartache of having to be with me. _Sounds good to me!_

"All the more reason for someone new! You're beautiful; I'm sure men are all over you."

Come to think of it, I _was_ getting more attention from them now, without the wedding rings on my left hand. I used to flaunt that thing in anyone's face who even tried chatting me up. Now I had nothing to stop them with.

_Nothing._

"Well, thank you, Alice... I'll come to the party, and I'll let you know if I'm bringing anyone."

"Okay, great. I'll let you get going. I'm actually off to have lunch with my brother now. I'll be sure to tell him about you." She winked.

I didn't know what to say, so I wished her a nice lunch and continued my way to my door. I sighed as soon as I was inside and plopped down on the couch.

I programmed Alice's number into my cell phone and texted her my number too. She sent me back a smiley face. It made me actually smile. I was happy to have met her and somewhat looking forward to the party. I hadn't met any of my neighbors yet.

Next, I called Jasper and took my heels off while waiting for him to answer.

"Hey, Rosie. How's my favorite girl?"

"Hope Maria didn't hear that."

"Who cares if she did? What's up? You've got all my attention. You okay?"

"Yeah, you know, I'm fine... but I have this party I was invited to for Halloween. I don't really want to go alone; I won't know anyone. You think you and Maria can come?" I didn't care how awkward it was to be around her; I just wanted Jasper there. Sadly, they were a combined thing now. If I invited him, I had to invite her.

"I'll come. You know Halloween's my favorite."

"I know," I said, kicking my feet up.

"I'm coming to pick you up. We're goin' costume shopping!"

"Now?" I whined.

"Yes, now. I have to get something good before everything gets sold out. I haven't had a chance to go yet, and Maria won't let me; she said it's a kid thing, and I need to act more mature. Screw that. I wanna be a superhero. Is that too much to ask for just one day out of the year?"

"You seriously scare me sometimes, you know that?" I laughed. "You're such a girl."

"Oh, yeah, besides the fact that I have a _huge_—"

"Ah! Stop, okay, just come over and get me already. God, you're gross."

He laughed on the other end before hanging up. I shook my head to myself but smiled. I was tired but happy to be hanging out with him. Costume shopping was always something we did together.

Emmett would always let me pick his outfits for Halloween, so Jasper and I went alone most years.

I took a quick shower and changed my clothes in the time it took Jasper to arrive. I slipped some flats on and met him downstairs. There was a building down the street that was turned into a costume store for the season, so we walked down together.

As he wrapped his arm around me, I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed. "What's going on with Maria?" It seemed like they'd had a fight. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just knew when something was going on with him.

"She was acting like a crazy bitch when I came home. I just needed to get out of there, you know? I'm not a bad guy; I don't know why she's always accusing me of shit... I've been wondering if it's worth it lately..."

I looked up at him, and we stopped walking as we approached the store. "Jazz... are you serious?"

He shrugged, uninterested. "I'm not even sure I really love her."

"Oh... wow, I don't know what to say."

"I can tell you don't think she's right for me, and neither does my mom... I mean, originally it was the crazy sex that pulled me in, but lately, I'm noticing that maybe the sex is crazy only because she's crazy."

"A person doesn't have to be crazy for the sex to be crazy."

"Let's not talk about this now, all right? I just want to have fun with my best friend." He pulled me into a hug, and I held on tight.

"I'm with you no matter what you do."

Jasper worked within his own head. He decided things for himself, no matter what anyone else said.

And no, I wasn't happy that he wasn't happy with Maria. I wanted him to be happy with the person he was with, even if I didn't like her.

"Let's go!" He suddenly hurried me, turning me around and pushing me into the store.

"You're so rough with me," I complained, feeling tossed around.

"I'm not even goin' to touch that one."

I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. "If only you weren't..._ you_."

"Hey, many women find me attractive, okay?"

"Oh, I know. I'm just not one of them." I laughed some more, walking ahead of him through one of the isles.

"That's only because you haven't seen me in my Captain Jack Sparrow outfit."

I turned to see he had picked one up and was wiggling his eyebrows.

"Pirates are out. Vampires are in," I told him. "Look for a vampire outfit."

"Who are you going to be?" he asked, placing the costume back in its spot.

"I don't know; someone evil I guess. I just feel like that suits me this year." I began looking through the costumes to my side. "Hey, I just realized these go in size order."

"Okay, let's do yours first, then mine," he suggested.

By the end, we had spent two hours in the store trying on costumes, making fun of each other, and having a good time. After Jasper called me a slut when I put on the Smurfette costume, I tried on the Poison Ivy one and fell in love with it.

He decided on The Green Lantern, even though I told him no one looked better than Ryan Reynolds in it. He insisted he made a better Green Lantern, so I gave in and agreed.

I grabbed a couple more things to decorate my apartment with and three huge bags of candy. Jasper ripped into the first one on our walk back.

"You want to go out to dinner?" he asked, chewing loudly.

I gave him a sideways look. "You sure you're not already full there?"

He responded with a quick, fake laugh then became serious. "Southern boys are always hungry, you know that."

Even though he'd only been born in the south and moved here when he was around six, he still had a slight accent on some words. It was cute.

"Okay then." I wondered about Maria but decided not to press it with him. He obviously wanted to avoid the Maria subject.

We dropped the bags off at my place, and he drove to a Mexican restaurant he'd decided on.

"Hey, would you mind if I crash at your place for the night?"

I shook my head. "Of course not." I'd actually enjoy it. Living alone was new to me.

Our waiter took our orders when we were ready. I got a margarita since I wasn't driving.

"So, how are you really? I worry about you."

I shrugged. "When I feel sad, I try not to think about it so much... It's usually the worst at night when the apartment's all quiet, and there's nothing else for me to do." Even talking about it now felt like someone was pushing down on my chest and making it hard for me to breathe.

I wondered how Emmett was and if he thought of me at night too. There was a side of me that wished he did and another that wished he didn't. I wanted him to be okay, more than I wanted me to be okay.

Jasper pulled my hand into his and kissed it. I smiled at how sweet he could always be. "It will pass."

"I just really miss him," I admitted, my eyes watering slightly before I forced them to stop by taking a deep breath and blinking hard.

"Well, I'm here, and you'll never have to miss me."

"Thank god for that. You're my favorite person ever."

"And you're mine."

Our dinner was nice, and it felt good to get out and do something with him like we did today.

As Esme had advised, after returning from Paris, I'd been trying to see this as my new life—my fresh start.

I'd keep trying until it _was_ that.

As soon as Jasper and I went back to my apartment, I changed into my pajamas and handed him some bottoms. Thankfully for him, I liked getting bigger sizes for bedtime wear, although they were still a little tight and had hearts printed on the fabric.

He decided he looked good, so I let him think it, pulling the covers to my chin, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn't feeling sad.

Jasper and I talked until the minute we fell asleep, and I didn't even remember when that was. I liked having him here.


	6. Chapter 5

**Thank you, jkane180! Very much!**

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_Chapter__ Five_

Jasper didn't stay past the one night. I guessed he and Maria were doing okay. I asked, but he didn't really go into detail. He said things were fine, but he'd be coming to the party with me alone.

I understood; after all, I was like him as well. I didn't always want to talk about my problems with others.

I texted Alice that my friend would be coming along, and the rest of my time before the party passed as it did normally. Well, it was the _new_ normally for me. I went to work; I did grocery shopping for one, laundry with only my own clothes to wash, and had dinners alone—except for the few with Dad.

He and I made a quiet pair, but it wasn't awkward. I liked the company.

Recently, though, my tattoo idea had been bugging at me. I had almost walked into the tattoo parlor one afternoon. But as soon as I looked through the window and saw Jake—the guy I'd met months ago now—smiling and hugging an attractive brunette, I chickened out.

What did I care that he had a girlfriend anyway? It's not like I was interested in dating anyone. The thought of dating was so bizarre to me. Maybe it was just that I didn't want to bother him while he was busy.

Halloween approached, and I was surprised to find that, just like all other years, I was looking forward to it. I was a little afraid that children may not show up due to the fact that I was now in an apartment, but throughout the day, many kids dropped by, and I had the pleasure of handing out lots of candy.

Jasper joined me for a light dinner before we got ready for the party. I set up the candy outside my door for any late-comers, and the two of us slowly made our way up.

"You actually look okay now that I see you in full costume," I commented, smiling at how proud Jasper seemed in his choice of superhero.

"Told you I was hot... You are too. Did you want to pretend to be my girlfriend so no one hits on you, or are you planning on being a slut tonight and taking someone back to your place?"

I looked at him in disbelief. "Who the hell are you sometimes, really?" How many times had I asked that question since we'd been friends?

He shrugged.

"I'm not a slut. And no, just be my best friend like you always are." I shivered at the thought of even pretending with him.

"It might be nice for you—being on the arm of someone so handsome."

I laughed and knocked on Alice's door. The music could be heard, but it wasn't over the top. Alice answered the door in a Snow White outfit, looking very excited to see us.

"Rose! And Rose's cute friend! So glad you're here. Come in!"

"Thanks, we're glad to be here." I was also glad to see we weren't overdressed. Everyone looked great. "This is my best friend, Jasper. And Jazz, this is Alice."

He took her hand and kissed it, looking into her eyes like a creep the whole time. "My lady; a tip: don't eat any apples tonight."

I groaned at his beyond stupid "joke" and watched in shock as she giggled like he'd said the wittiest thing in the world.

"Can I get you guys drinks?" She still giggled. "They're in the kitchen; feel free to have all you'd like. But no drunk driving," she warned, pointing her finger at us.

"We'd love drinks. Maybe I can make you ladies appletinis. I'm a great bartender," Jasper offered.

So he didn't want her to eat apples, but appletinis were okay? Alice didn't even notice. I didn't bother pointing it out.

"Do you bartend?" she asked as the two of them walked ahead of me, and I followed.

I honestly loved how dorky and weird Jasper could be. And Alice was so outgoing. I should have known they'd probably get along. Now why couldn't he be with someone sweet like Alice?

"I used to when I was in college, for awhile..." Jasper's voice faded out as we entered the kitchen, and I saw none other than Mr. Tall-Dark-Tattooed Tattoo Artist leaning against one of the counters, speaking with another, equally tattooed-up man.

His gaze wandered over to me, and he gave me a smile, looking to the man and excusing himself.

"Hey there, Rose," he nodded, walking over and extending his hand. "You look great."

I looked down at my stupid green outfit with leaves randomly placed and felt like a fucking idiot. How old was I?

He gave another one of those almost teasing chuckles.

"What about you?" I asked before any more comments could be made on his part. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jake, remember?" He grinned.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. I remember you, Jake. I mean... you're wearing a shirt and jeans."

"Yeah, I'm just Jake. I figured I'm scary enough."

I bit my lip, thinking he sort of was. Scary and extremely sexy were intertwined, right? _God, I'm pathetic._

"Too scary?" he wondered.

I shook my head. "I'm just surprised Alice let you in. The invite stated no admission if you weren't in costume." I was only kidding of course—partly. I was sure Alice wouldn't deny anyone.

"Oh, yeah, that's because I'm her little brother, and she can never exclude me from anything; Mom says so."

"You're her brother?" I smiled. I would have never guessed it. They looked nothing alike.

"Yep! She told me about you; I guess she didn't know we already met... You never came back for that tattoo."

"Yeah, I haven't had the time really."

"More like I scared you off... See? I am scary all on my own." He crossed his arms and puffed his chest out a little, looking even bigger than he already was. If I hadn't known he spent time at the tattoo parlor, I'd be sure all his time was spent at the gym.

I wish I didn't find him so attractive. It felt wrong. And I felt so stupid for it.

"You guys met!" I heard Alice yell.

We both turned to her and made our way to the other side of the kitchen where Jasper was working his magic.

Jake and Jasper shook hands and introduced themselves before Jasper asked him if he wanted what we were having. Jake laughed at the girly drinks and grabbed a beer. "I'm good with this, thanks, man."

"See, I told you she was pretty. Isn't she pretty?" I hadn't known Alice for long at all, but I was guessing she was the kind of person who said stuff like this all the time.

I wasn't the type of girl to blush a lot, but when Jake looked at me after Alice's comment, I couldn't stop the heat from rising to my face if I tried.

"Yes, she is; I had no doubt."

I looked at Jasper, who was grinning and wiggling his eyebrows at me. I gave him an annoyed look before offering Jake the best smile I could.

"Rose and I actually met a few months ago, only briefly though. She came into the store, but I think I scared her off." There he went with the teasing again.

"Oh, you didn't tell me that," Alice said, turning to Jasper when he said something.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't scare me? In fact, I'm coming to get that tattoo as soon as you have a free minute," I stated, taking the drink Jasper was handing me.

I realized just now that not only did the drink in my hand match my outfit, but Jasper did too._ I'm a weird, freaky green plant with green friends and green beverages. Smooth..._

Jasper and Alice were already talking about something, so I turned to Jake and stared up at him.

"All right, short stuff. You're on. I'm pretty much on walk-ins for the next couple of days, so you should come... Then maybe I can take you out after?" This time, he smiled kindly with questioning in his voice. "I mean, if you'd be okay with that... I know I'm scary and all."

"I... Um, I don't know, Jake."

"I'm just joking. I'm a really nice guy, despite my appearance."

I shook my head, feeling very frazzled. "You don't appear _not_ to be a nice guy; I'm just not sure I should."

"You don't like making new friends?" He took another drink from his beer bottle, his eyes on mine the whole time.

"No, I like new friends... I'm just..."

"Okay, well, no pressure. Whatever you want."

I nodded, grateful the subject was over. Thankfully, Alice engaged me again and told me to come meet my other neighbors with her.

So the next hour or so consisted of new faces and a lot of introductions.

When I finally found Jasper in the kitchen again, making drinks for the group of girls gathered around him, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

The girls scattered shortly after I arrived and leaned back on the counter. Jake was in the living room, but in perfect view, as he spoke to a couple of other people.

"You think he's cute, don't you?"

I quickly pulled my eyes away from Jake and looked at Jasper with a frowned brow. "_No_," I defended.

"It's okay if you do. Shit, what's the problem? He could help you move on... And more importantly, he can help you in some other departments you seem to have been neglecting lately."

"What the hell is wrong with you? You're far too comfortable around me," I complained.

"What? Women need something to relax them. I've learned I'm always the best _thing_ for the job... I'd like to relax _her_, if you know what I mean." He nodded and winked, and I looked to see Alice smiling and giving him a wave.

"I think I'm going to be sick," I complained again, crossing my arms.

It was the oddest feeling. I wanted so much to let go and have fun like I was used to doing with Emmett around, but now I wasn't my old self. I didn't know if I could have that kind of fun with Jake... or anyone else.

I fought not to roll my eyes at myself. I wasn't even scared my first time with Emmett, but now, I was terrified. Why?

I wondered if I'd ever be able to be me again.

"I hate to be a dick to you about this... But just go over there and have fun with the guy. He's obviously into you... I'm not saying take him home or anything, but just have fun."

I looked over at Jake again and bit my lip, contemplating it. I guess after so long of only being with Emmett, I was afraid I wouldn't know how to be with anyone other than him.

Jake looked in my direction and offered me a warm smile and nod. I returned his smile and took a deep breath. I could be his friend. He was clearly a nice guy.

And no, I wasn't stupid. I was aware he probably wanted more than just to talk with me, but talking was the best he'd get. He didn't know how little I could offer, and I didn't want anyone to.

I noticed Alice and Jasper were still eye fucking across the room, so I gave him a shove and shook my head. "You're with someone, remember?"

"Alice is so beautiful..." He sounded like he was daydreaming. "I don't think I'll be crashing at yours tonight..."

"Oh, my god, Jazz." He was not a cheater. I didn't care how bad Maria was.

"Oh, calm down. Maria and I are pretty much over... and it's way overdue."

"Wait. What? When did this happen?" I was kind of upset he had yet to tell me.

"Just today," he shrugged. "I realized she's just too controlling, and I can't be controlled. I don't wan to be."

"Okay, but are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm fine, Rosie. You don't have to worry about me. And, I just told you."

"I'm sorry, Jazz... You guys were together for awhile."

His smile helped assure me he was okay. "I want this, and Maria thinks it's for the best too. I don't know… I guess I was just avoiding the fact that we were horrible for one another... No two people in a relationship should disagree on the amount of things she and I disagreed on."

Jasper had always been calm and collected, and Maria really did disturb that side of him. He didn't like drama—had always avoided it.

"I'm sorry if this upsets you." He rubbed my arm and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"No, I'm okay. I just want you to be happy."

"I am, and I want you to be happy too. So, turn around."

I frowned in confusion but turned just in time to see Jake making his way over to us.

"Jacob." Jasper nodded.

"Jasper. How's it going, man? You enjoying the party?"

"Yeah, I'm having lots of fun. Your sister throws a great get together."

"That's why she's a party planner, right? She's crazy, but I gotta love her."

Jasper nodded, and I reached my way between them to grab another drink. I downed the shot and heard Jake laugh.

"Guess you're not enjoying yourself as much as we are."

"What? No. I'm having fun."

"Okay, well come dance and have even more fun. You haven't danced all night."

"What? Have you been watching me all night?" I asked, sounding irritated.

Jasper and Jake exchanged looks, and he didn't answer me as he took my hand. It was different than his handshake. He held my hand gently, yet tight enough to pull me along.

I looked over at the DJ, wanting to kill him as he began playing a slow song as soon as Jake and I stepped into the middle of the living room where everyone was. Many people stepped away, but a handful of couples still stayed with their arms around one another.

Jake pulled me closer with his hand on my lower back, and I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and hung my head, so he wouldn't be able to see my reaction.

So, I'd admit he was good-looking, and I was attracted to him. I'd also admit that I didn't like it.

He began singing with his cheek against the side of my head, and I opened my eyes to look down at the many tattoos covering his arm.

"_It gains the more it gives, and then it rises with the fall. So hand me that remote, can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?"_

I ran my finger over the love heart with Alice's name in it, quickly stopping when I realized I was touching his bicep. I laid my hand against his forearm and looked up at him.

He stopped singing and smiled.

"You sing?"

He shrugged. "In the shower maybe."

"You're good."

"Thanks... I'm just doing it to impress you."

Somehow, him saying that made me feel more relaxed. I laughed lightly, "Well, at least you're honest."

His chest was strong under my cheek when I moved into a more comfortable position. He smelled amazing. I almost wanted to ask what he used to wash his clothes. Now _that_ would be smooth.

"I like this tattoo," I admitted, touching Alice's name again.

"It's my favorite... She's the best big sister anyone could have."

"She does seem nice." I sighed, comfortable against his chest, and a little excited at the contact to a new person.

His fingers gently moved as he held my waist, and heat flowed through me. I hoped I wouldn't faint from the dizzy feeling inside my head. Maybe it was just the alcohol.

The song changed far too quickly. I realized I wanted to kill the DJ even more now. I'd kind of enjoyed Jake's hard body, yet soft embrace.

"Isn't that your friend?" I asked, nodding at the DJ who I remembered he'd been talking to earlier.

"Yeah, that's Jared. We've been friend since high school. Alice wouldn't let me DJ. She said I had to be free at all times to keep you company. She likes you, so naturally she wants us to be friends."

I pulled away slightly to look up into his dark eyes. Wow, I hadn't noticed how nice they were until now. "I, ummm..." _What was I going to say?_

He chuckled. "I listen to my big sis no matter what. I've learned the hard way."

I pushed my thoughts about his pretty eyes away and focused on the conversation at hand. "No offense, but she looks like the younger one." Alice was all cute and little, and Jake was tough and mysterious.

"She's thirty; I'm twenty-five. Not that much of a difference. I guess it's because she's such a little squirt." In the time it had taken him to respond, we'd moved out of the way for the more active dancers.

"I always wanted a brother or sister. Jazz is the closest I ever got to having one."

He smiled, and although all his smiles were warm, there was something extra special in this one. "I always wanted a big brother, but when I met Alice, I never had to want that again. She did all the things a brother would do with me... even though she's the girliest girl I know."

"_When_ you met Alice?" I wondered. _How'd that make sense?_

"Mom and Dad adopted me after she begged them to."

"Oh." That explained why they looked nothing alike. "That's so cool." I never wanted adoption to come second to me after not being able to have my own children, even if that was that case.

Maybe some time in the future I'd be able to be someone's mom. I couldn't believe how good it felt, even thinking about it now. There was a void inside me, deeper than just missing Emmett.

"Yeah, they adopted her when she was a baby. My mom worked at a foster care center, and she used to bring Alice in sometimes. Alice and I became friends my second week in there. By the time I was seven, I was legally Sarah and Billy's son, and most importantly, as Alice will point out, her little brother."

"I think that's the nicest, sweetest story I've ever heard." He just made my night.

His smile continued as I watched his defined features while he looked away. "Hey, do you think I'm going to have to kick Jasper's ass? I think he's hitting on my sister. They've been together all night."

"I think he _is_ hitting on her... She doesn't seem to mind though... and he's a really great guy, so don't worry so much."

"That's easy for you to say."

"It's cute how you're all protective."

He looked back down at me, his sister somewhat forgotten. "Oh, yeah, so you're saying I should go over there and kick his ass?"

I laughed and shook my head. "It's equally as cute that you won't kick my best friend's ass."

"Oh, okay then. I can just hang out with you here too. I think my sister will like that plan better... You're right; she obviously likes him."

With a smile still on my face, I watched the way he looked at them then down at me again. "You having a fun night?"

I nodded, "Best one in a long time."


	7. Chapter 6

**jkane180, you are an angel, you know that? Thank you so much, again.**

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_Chapter Six_

A couple of days later, on my day off, I was sitting at my new kitchen table, reading the paper and eating cornflakes, when the doorbell rang.

I wasn't expecting anyone, but I smiled and felt excited at the thought that it might be Alice or Jake. It would much more likely be Alice.

It wasn't Alice though, it was the UPS delivery man, handing me a thin envelope. Dread passed through me so cold and harsh that I shivered, goosebumps forming on the back of my neck.

I sighed, and the man wished me a nice day.

Right, nice day. Sure.

I went back to the kitchen and placed the envelope down. I knew what it was without even opening it. Without any complications and Emmett and I agreeing on everything, our divorce went through quickly. Quicker than I felt comfortable with.

I didn't open it, but instead, grabbed my handbag quickly and pulled off the picture that was on the fridge.

I almost ran down to the tattoo parlor, and the minute the bell chimed, I stopped, realizing how much of a rush I really was in to come down here.

"Hi." I heard a woman's voice before I saw her.

She walked in from the back, dressed in ripped, jean shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was long and black, and she had that tough girl look to her but was still beautiful.

"Hi," I answered. "Is Jake here by any chance?"

"No, he's coming in in a few hours though. I'm Leah. I work with him. Can I help you with anything?"

I shook my head, feeling stupid for even coming down here. "He and I had just been talking about a tattoo. I was thinking of getting it today."

"Oh, okay, great. If you want to come back, he'll be in by noon. If not, I'm free. No one comes for tattoos before noon anyway. I just had some sketches to do."

"It's okay. I'll come back later. Thanks for your help, Leah. I'm Rose, by the way."

"Nice to meet you." She smiled.

I stepped outside the shop and took a deep breath. What the hell was I doing?

I knew this was going to happen. It wasn't supposed to be shocking.

Slowly, I made my way back up to the apartment and tore open the envelope. Sure enough, I was officially divorced. It was scary how a single document could separate you from someone you'd been so close to.

I had to do something other than dwell, so I stored the papers away and tried to continue reading the newspaper. I couldn't catch on to a single word, so I tried editing some photographs.

That didn't turn out well either. I ended up slamming my laptop screen down like a crazy person.

The only thing left to do was go to the gym.

Hours passed by the time I was in the shower cleaning up. I did my make-up nicer than I'd done it in a long time, put on a simple, everyday dress, and used my curling iron to fix my hair so it wasn't dull.

I looked like I was trying to impress someone and felt sick to my stomach at the thought of the wolf dressed in sheep's clothing.

That's what I was. You couldn't even see the bad side of me like this.

Maybe someone could like the pretend me. Maybe Jake...

When I went back down to the shop, he greeted me happily. "Leah said you dropped by."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I think I'm ready for that tattoo."

"Cool. Come on over and take a seat."

I did, thanking him for the stool he'd pulled into his work station.

Leah was working on a big, biker-looking man and gave me a wink when I smiled at her. She was nice.

I pulled the picture out of my handbag for Jake and held it out to him. "I was thinking on the inside of my wrist—my forearm kind of."

The way he looked into my eyes with his dark ones made me wish I hadn't come here. He didn't deserve this.

"The picture's beautiful, and I'll do a perfect job of it if you've decided."

"I've decided. I'm ready," I assured him.

I watched as he transferred the picture into a workable design and had me approve it before getting started. He was an amazing artist.

"Just relax," he told me.

I watched him as he prepared everything. He had an ever-present smirk across his lips, like he knew I was watching him... and liking the way his muscles flexed under his shirt so visibly with every small movement.

"You're scared."

"I told you, I'm not scared. I'm excited."

I was fascinated by the process he took to mark my skin with the ink. It didn't hurt badly; it was a bearable burn, and besides, I liked the hum and how easily it relaxed me. Not even my two hour workout got my mind off things like this little needle did.

"I still think you should let me take you out... We get along, don't we?"

He caught me off guard, and all of a sudden, I noticed he was already cleaning the excess ink from my skin gently.

"I think you're really nice and interesting... but don't you have a girlfriend?"

He frowned.

"Not that I'm aware of."

"I saw you with a brunette not long ago."

_What the fuck? Did I just say that?_

"You _do_ like me," he teased happily. "You're watching me, and I didn't even know it."

"I can't help it that I live in this building and you work here." I tried to cover it up, keeping my cool.

He held his smirk.

"It was probably Ali; she's here all the time... Besides, I'm more into blondes."

After he'd covered the tattoo and explained how I needed to take care of it while it healed, I thanked him. "Maybe I could get you lunch if you'd like," I offered. I knew he'd say yes, but asking him was much easier than saying yes to him asking me.

"Yeah, I'm hungry as hell."

"Great, I could eat too." I smiled.

I waited while Jake told Leah he'd be back later to close up so she could leave when she needed to. I waved her a goodbye as she did the same back.

I wasn't sure why I felt so uneasy around Jake. I mean, he had the bad boy appearance, but I knew that didn't mean he was going to cause me harm. If he got involved with me, I was sure he'd be the one experiencing harm, not me.

"Where would you like to go?" he asked.

"Do you like Italian food?"

"Yeah, the place around the corner?"

I nodded.

"Okay, yeah, let's do it."

He held the door open for me, and we began our short walk over. He asked me what I did for work, and I gave him the short history of my career. He seemed impressed.

When we were seated, he asked me more, so I told him about my recent trip. I didn't get into Emmett and the fact that I had been married.

"What about you? Tell me about your work."

He shrugged. "Leah and I just decided one day this is what we wanted to do. We're both creative, you know. So we did our apprenticeships here together and pretty much run the place. The boss is never really around. We're thinking about buying it off him when he's ready to give it up." He made it sound like it was something the two of them were trying to get him to do soon.

I wasn't aware of how much two people could talk about work until now. I knew I was avoiding my personal life, and thankfully, he didn't seem pushy. He was really nice, though, and easy to talk to.

"There's somewhere really special I think you'd like... You think I could take you?"

I frowned, confused by what he could possibly mean. "Like a date?"

His smile was bright, but he shook his head. "I'd love to take you on a date, but this wouldn't really be one... What do you have to do now?"

"Nothing..."

"Great, you're going to love it. Come on, my car's back in the lot."

"So, what is this place?"

"It's a surprise."

"Why won't you tell me?"

The walk to his car, and the short drive, went pretty much the same. I couldn't possibly imagine what he'd have as a surprise for me.

When he pulled into the parking lot, the sign on the building confused me more. It was a foster home.

"I don't understand."

"I used to live here... I visit all the time. They need people to come be mentors for the kids and... to just be there, you know? You seem like the kind of person who likes kids... and believe me, you're getting more out of it than they are... Not that you're not wonderful, but the kids are really great."

I got out of the car and looked at the building.

"I'm sorry. Should I not have brought you here?" he asked, getting out of the car and leaning his arms on the hood to look at me.

"What if they don't like me?" I was suddenly so nervous.

I finally looked at him to see he was smiling. "That question right there is why I knew you'd fit in here. Come on, you're going to have fun." He closed his door and came around to my side, taking my hand into his large one.

I looked down at our hands and followed up his tattooed arm. His skin was such a nice color—so full of life. The opposite of mine. He was beautiful.

His eyes were watching mine when I looked up, and he gave my hand a squeeze.

"Okay," I agreed with a deep breath.

He continued to hold my hand as we made our way in, and he introduced me to some of the adults who worked there. When we were let in through the second set of doors, there was a big living area with kids of all ages doing a number of different things.

It was all dropped when they saw Jake. At least a dozen of them called his name and rushed over.

"Hi, guys!" he said excitedly, not letting my hand go.

"This is my friend, Rose. I thought you guys would get along. She's really nice."

I smiled at him, and the nervousness left me when they all really seemed excited to meet me. The little girls told me I was pretty and they liked my dress, and a sweet little one named Mia begged for me to let her do my hair.

My hand left Jake's as I was dragged to the "salon" the girls had set up in one of the corners. They had me sit in a chair and pretended I was their client. I had literally never had more fun in my life.

I asked them if they wanted their hair done and gave them all braids, wishing I had bows. I wondered if next time I was allowed to bring things for them. I was sad for them, but happy they still had their innocence and knew how to enjoy themselves. They made the best out of what they had.

"Jake, Jake, Jake!" Mia jumped around him when he approached us. He'd been outside with some of the other kids.

"Yes, my princess?" he asked, leaning down to pick her up.

She took the delicate chain from around his neck and played with the small gold cross. "Rose is nice," she told him.

She was tiny and looked even smaller in his arms. He kissed her cheek with a loud smack. "Yeah, you like her?"

"Yeah," she nodded, kissing his cheek in return.

"I like her too."

I blushed at his compliment and returned the smile he was giving me.

"Well, I really have to go back to work... Should I bring Rose again next time?" he asked the kids around us.

They were all in favor. I felt needed, and it was so nice. I'd definitely be back.

I actually didn't want to leave. "They're so great," I told Jake as we exited and waved our goodbyes.

"I know, and I knew they'd like you."

"I like them too. I can't wait to come back."

"You can become a volunteer like me and go pretty much whenever you want. They also need people for help during holidays and stuff like that."

"I'd really be interested in that." I smiled.

"Yeah, Ali and I spend most holidays here. Our parents moved out to Florida, and they understand this is more important."

I nodded, thinking about how good it would feel to be there with the kids to help with Easter egg hunts and opening presents on Christmas.

"Thanks for bringing me."

His hand unexpectedly took mine and drew me close to him. I was nervous again.

"What do you have to do for the rest of the day?" he asked.

I bit into my lip, thinking. "Nothing really... It's my day off."

"If you want, you could keep me company. I'm closing the shop alone tonight. Leah has a date she needs to get to."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I'll hang out with you." I actually really wanted to.


	8. Chapter 7

**jkane180, thank you, darling, you're super, super amazing.**

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_Chapter Seven_

"So, where are all the kids from? Do all of them not have parents?" I asked, biting my lower lip as I pushed myself from side to side on the swirly stool. I couldn't stop thinking about them since we'd left.

Jake was sitting on the stool across from me, not as fussy as I was. He had a pencil in his hand and was doodling on a pad without even looking at it. It was very interesting to watch.

"Well, they have parents somewhere; either they didn't want them, or they're unfit and lost them," he told me.

I didn't want to push and ask what the case was with him. It must have been horrible for him being alone until he met Alice and their parents.

"How old's Mia?"

"She just turned four; we had a little party for her a couple of weeks back." He smiled at the memory of it.

We'd been talking about the kids since we arrived back here. It was more comfortable staying away from personal topics.

"What ab—" My cell phone began ringing, and I apologized, answering because I saw it was Jasper.

"Hey."

"Hey, where are you? I'm at your front door."

"Why?"

"Nice to know I'm welcome."

"You always are, but I didn't know you were coming over."

"Nah, I was just dropping by to say hey. I'm taking Alice to a movie."

"Is Maria even moved out yet?" I wondered. He was impossible.

"Of course, who do you think I am?"

"I don't know sometimes."

"Anyway, where are you?"

"I'm down at the tattoo parlor, hanging out with Jake."

"Ohhh, I see how it is."

I fought not to roll my eyes because Jake might see. "Is there something you actually want?"

"Nah, I'll come down there and hang with you two until Alice is ready."

"Okay then; see you in a minute."

He hung up, and I glanced over at Jake to see him looking at me. "Jasper's going to come down for a bit. He's waiting for Alice. They're going to a movie."

"Told you he was trying to get with my sister."

"Yeah, he's sick... I know I asked you not to kick his ass, but I can do it for you if you want."

"That would kinda make me jealous."

I smiled and looked down to avoid his eyes. _Does he want to wrestle with me?_ God, that would be exciting... The thought made me nervous.

"You have a beautiful smile."

I looked up then. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Before the words were out of his mouth, Jasper was here.

"Hey, man, I'm looking to get a tattoo," he announced, smiling when Jake got up to greet him with a handshake. "Hey, how are you?"

"I'm great. Rose and I are hanging out... Your best friend got her first tattoo."

"What?" Jasper asked, coming over to me and taking my hand. I removed the bandage to show him. He liked it and congratulated me on my first one.

"I already want another," I admitted.

"Yeah, has that affect on people." Jake shrugged innocently, and both Jasper and I laughed at him. He clearly couldn't contain the need.

"So, you're taking my sister out, huh?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm a gentleman."

I laughed at the statement. He gave me a look, and I smiled the same innocent smile Jake had.

"You're not going to beat me up, are you?"

"Why, do I look like the violent type?"

Jasper looked at me as if asking if he was serious. He looked back at Jake and nodded. "Kind of, yeah."

Jake laughed. "If you mess with her, she'll fuck you up worse than I will."

"Yeah, I get that vibe from her. I like it."

"Jasper's a freak," I informed him.

"_Proud _freak," he corrected.

"Is this the proud freak club?" Alice asked, walking in on the conversation.

Jasper smiled and gave her a hug hello.

"You guys hanging out?" she asked with a big smile across her face.

Jake and I nodded.

"Oh, awesome... Well, Jasper and I are going to be late if we don't leave right now. Took me a little too long to get ready."

"Worth it," Jasper added.

She smiled at him. "Thanks."

"Okay, okay, go already. You're sickening."

I laughed at Jake's comment. I felt the same. But I was happy to see Jasper with a normal, nice girl over the nightmare that was Maria.

"Fine, we don't want to hang out with you freaks anyway," Alice shot back, hitting Jake's arm before hugging him goodbye.

I gave them both a hug before they left as well.

The shop was silent for a second before Jake spoke again.

"Come here; let me clean that for you."

"Thanks." I followed him to the sink, and he told me to get in front of him.

He got in close from behind, setting the water on to a warm temperature and making my body tingle at his proximity; his front pressed against my back.

He took my arm and gently washed the tattoo, wiping it next, and then applying more ointment.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."

I bit my lip and looked back at him, still trapped between him and the sink. He smiled softly and leaned down.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to kiss him, and it was about to happen. I could hardly breathe.

But the bell chimed, and we pulled away, Jake rubbing his face in annoyance.

I licked my lips and pulled back completely, going to take a seat so he could deal with the people who had walked in.

They weren't long, just getting some information from Jake. I checked my messages and emails on my cell phone while I waited. Really, I was just trying to distract myself from thinking about how we'd almost kissed.

The bell chimed, indicating their exit and I looked up when Jake walked over.

"So," he raised his eyebrows, "Sorry about that."

"It's cool. You're working, after all."

He sighed and nodded. "Who's Maria?"

_Maria?_

"What?" I guessed I was caught off guard by the question.

"You were talking to Jasper about it on your cell."

"Oh." _Oh_, I wasn't sure it was my place to say anything. But, I wasn't about to lie, and I knew Jasper; he wouldn't lie if he was asked either. "Jasper's ex."

"Should I be worried?" He frowned. "I don't want him using my sister as a rebound... I mean, the guy's obviously a little crazy. He doesn't seem scared of me at all... I've scared most of her boyfriends away with just saying hello. Even back when I was twelve."

I smiled as I imagined it. "I think of you as tattooed and all tough looking even when you were twelve."

He gave me a smile as he came and sat in the chair beside me. My heartrate increased the closer he got to me. It was something I couldn't remember ever happening to me before.

"Might as well have been. I got my first one when I was fourteen."

I gasped. "What? How?"

"Fake ID, and I didn't look fourteen. I grew like a foot that year. Dad almost killed me when he found out."

"Which one is it?" I asked.

"It's on my chest."

"Oh." My face felt hot at the thought of seeing him without his shirt on. He had so many visible tattoos, even with his clothes on; I could only imagine all the rest. And not to mention how strong he looked, his muscles evident.

I swallowed and crossed my legs, looking down into my lap.

"So… about Jasper and my sister?"

I looked to him again, his dark eyes on mine. "I wouldn't worry. Jasper's crazy, but he definitely doesn't use people."

"I guess I just have to trust you on this one."

I nodded, hoping Jasper was true to my word.

I kept my distance, too scared to get into a situation that could lead to a kiss, but when Jake told me he'd walk me up to my apartment, there was no getting away.

I said yes, and we walked side by side.

"Would you like to come in?" I wanted him to, a lot, even though I was nervous.

Even considering the delivery I'd gotten today, it was still a great day... And Jake was the reason for it being so nice.

I hadn't known guys like him existed. If I passed him on the street, sure, I'd think he was smoking hot, but I'd probably think he was involved in some bad, illegal things and wouldn't give him a second thought.

I'd been with Emmett for as long as I could remember. Back in high school, he was a good student and the star of every sports team the school had. Afterwards, he wore suits and was always clean-shaven for work. And I hated to play into stereotypes, but Emmett looked like a nice, good guy. Jake looked like the kind of guy that would make your parents lock you in your room forever if they saw you with him even once.

In reality, he was so kind and warm. He was a perfect example of why a book shouldn't be judged by its cover.

"Yeah, sure." His answer made me fumble with my keys for a second before I finally got them to work.

I let him in and flicked on the light. "Can I get you a drink? I think I have beer."

"Yeah, thanks."

I hurried to the kitchen. "Make yourself at home," I called out to him, glad the place was clean.

When I came back out to the living room, he was looking at the pictures up on the wall. I went to his side and handed him the beer.

"Your dad?" he asked, pointing to the one of me and him before Emmett took me to prom.

I smiled. "Yeah, that's my dad."

He thanked me for the beer and continued looking. "You look beautiful in this picture," he told me, going back to the one of Dad and I. "Hope the guy who took you knew how lucky he was."

I pushed thoughts of Emmett and how amazing that night was for us aside.

"I don't know," I shrugged, feeling myself blush at his compliment.

"Well, I definitely know how lucky I am right now."

His free hand moved up to my face, brushing my hair away as he stepped closer. My chest felt tight, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to talk with how heavy my tongue was right now. I hadn't had a first kiss in a long, _long_ time.

I didn't mean to move, but I leaned into him anyway, inhaling suddenly as he wrapped his other arm around my waist. His beer was still in his hand, but he managed to do it anyway.

His lips looked so kissable. I let myself get lost in the depth this moment was creating and enjoyed his soft, full lips against mine.

His tongue gave my lips the most erotic little lick, getting me to open my mouth to him without a thought. I moaned as I tasted him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Slowly pulling away, he gave my lips another soft kiss. I hadn't noticed I wasn't breathing and finally allowed myself air, looking up into his beautiful face.

"I've been wanting to do that for the longest time... You're a great kisser."

"So are you," I breathed out, wanting to do it again.

He seemed to have read my mind, leaning down again with a smile. I was able to focus more this time, sensing the smile from his lips while he kissed me. I smiled too, seriously happy.

I noticed that around him, almost every moment had made me happy or that nervous type of excited.

I was about to get myself into an emotional mess, but I didn't care. I wanted him.

I pulled away, biting my lip as I thought about what I was about to do. I took his beer from him and went to flick the light back off, putting the beer down on the table as I went.

I came back over to him and took his hand. He held mine firmly, pulling it to his chest.

"You're so sexy," he said, his hand on my waist pulling me against him again. He was strong, just the way he looked.

"So are you... Come on... I want to see your first tattoo."

He grinned when I pulled him in the direction of my bedroom, acting like he was being dragged along even though he wasn't physically putting up a fight.

As soon as we stepped into my bedroom, he reached down and pulled his t-shirt off, exposing the many more tattoos I had once imagined were underneath.

There was a snake in the very middle of his chest, surrounded by words and symbols.

"This is it," he told me.

I couldn't stop staring at his chest and rock hard abs. "I like it," I said lowly.

We joined again, into another kiss, as my hands roamed over his chest, his skin soft and warm. He gently pushed me over to the bed. I sat up and watched as he climbed over me, feeling up my knee and thigh under my dress lightly.

"Are you sure you want this to happen?" he asked seriously.

I only wanted him more. I bit my lip and leaned forward, moving my hand over to feel him through his jeans.

"Do you?" I wondered.

He smiled again, looking down at my hand. "Doesn't it feel like I do?"

I nodded, smiling in return and leaning back down when he pushed me back. "I get hard just thinking about you," he whispered.

"I want you," I assured him. For now, I'd give in to my wants, but later I'd have to tell him... I couldn't be more than I was to him now.


	9. Chapter 8

**Thank you to jkane180 for her help and time, and thank you guys for reading.**

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_Chapter Eight_

The next morning while Jake slept in my bed peacefully, I snuck around my bedroom and bathroom, getting ready for work and trying my best to be quiet. I felt so guilty but was trying to hold it down. I was trying to hold down all my feelings really, not just the guilty ones.

I also felt good. Really, really good. Last night was amazing. He was sweet with me, yet still sexy as hell. I even watched him sleep, my covers extremely low over his waist. He belonged in my bed, and I wished I could keep him right there to forget my hurt whenever I needed it.

It was so wrong of me. Someone as kind and good as Jake deserved the same in return.

When I was finally ready, I noticed he was awake, still laying in place and watching me.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asked.

I came in through the door and bit my lip. Gosh, he looked hot in the morning.

"You leaving me, blondie?"

"Yeah, sorry, I have work... You can make yourself at home, have something to eat... Just lock my door when you leave."

He nodded. "Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"You busy tonight?"

"Um, yeah, I am actually, I'm having dinner with my dad... It's a new thing he and I are doing." I shrugged. I sounded like I was lying for some reason, but I wasn't.

"All right, that's cool. The next day then?"

"I have a work thing." _Do I?_

"Okay... how about you call me when you're free then?"

I nodded, grabbing my bag off the chair.

"Rose?"

I stopped and looked back at him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah... yeah."

"So... I mean, you're okay with last night, right?"

"Yeah... Last night was... really fun. Thanks."

He gave a short laugh and continued to smirk. "Ah, you're welcome."

The day went by in a blur, as did the night. Dad and I went to see a movie and then chatted about it over dinner later. The next day I did end up being busy with work. One of the other photographer's assistants had gotten sick, so I helped him throughout the whole day with his photo shoot.

The day after that I had a regular day at work, and Jasper called me to come over for dinner. He'd made us tacos.

"So, what's going on with you and Jake?"

I sighed, putting the food down on the table. "I haven't seen him since the other night."

"Oh, my god... You slept with him, didn't you? Tell me you did."

I gave him an annoyed look.

"I knew it! You can't keep your whoring ways hidden from me."

I rolled my eyes at my best friend's lovely discription of me.

"What about you?" I accused. "At least Emmett and I have been broken up for a while. You _just_ called it quits with Maria. I bet you're already sleeping with Alice."

"A gentleman doesn't tell... And besides, I never said you were rushing into anything; if you slept with him, then good for you. I'm all for it."

It_ was_ too soon though. I felt like I should be single for years until I even considered someone else.

I sat down in the chair and looked at my food, my appetite vanishing. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, what happened?" he asked, sitting down as well and taking a big bite of his food.

"He told me to call him when I'm free."

"And you haven't called?" His mouth was still full.

I shook my head.

He made a sound for me to wait until he swallowed so he could speak properly. I did.

"Poor guy's probably sitting around with nothing to do but count his own tattoos. Call him. Are you crazy? If I were gay, I'd so hit that. I mean, I'm _not, _so I'm hitting his sister."

"So you _are_ sleeping with her? Does she know about Maria?"

"Yeah, I told her. I have nothing to hide. It's not a big deal. Alice and I are just having fun, and if it turns into something more, then great. If not, then at least we both had fun."

The next day, I was thinking about what Jasper had told me, and on my lunch break, I finally worked up the courage to call Jake.

He answered with a, "Hey, blondie," and a smile in his voice.

"Hey," I smiled in return, wondering why his nickname for me didn't bother me. "How are you?"

"I'm great now. What's up? How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm just on my lunch break... Sorry I've been busy the last couple of days."

"Nah, it's cool... So are you going to be busy tonight?"

"No... You want to do something?" I asked, biting my lip and feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.

"Of course I do. You want to come to my place? I'll make us food."

"You cook?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty good at it too. You like steak?"

"Yeah, I love it."

"You want to come around seven?"

Seven came way too quickly. I wasn't sure how I should dress for a dinner date at his home, so I pulled on some tight fitting jeans and a black shirt, curling my hair slightly so it had some bounce to it. I guessed it would have to do.

His house wasn't even ten minutes away. I parked behind his car in the driveway and grabbed the bottle of wine I'd gotten for us earlier.

The house was nice and cozy looking, not too big, but not small either. I rang the door bell and waited.

He answered within a few seconds and gave me a bright smile. "You look beautiful."

He had on a black t-shirt and jeans, and it made me smile. "We match," I commented.

"Is that your way of saying I look nice too?" He winked.

I nodded. "Of course; you look beautiful too."

"I was going for handsome." He stepped aside and took the wine from me.

The house smelled amazing and was as clean as a man's place could be, I guessed. He had a big entertainment system set up, some comfy looking couches, at least five guitars that I could see, a keyboard, and what looked like DJing equipment.

"Wow, music's a big part of your life, huh?" I asked, walking around.

He was in the kitchen, where the food was cooking, and answered me with, "Yeah, pretty much. You play anything?"

"No." I walked over, finding the sight of him chopping up peppers very sexy. "I'm a listener, not a player."

"I can teach you if you ever want to try."

"Cool, maybe... Can I help with something?"

"Nope, I just want you to relax. Take a seat." He motioned to the stool.

I didn't argue and did just that. He pulled a wine glass out for me and opened the bottle, pouring me some.

We talked about our days at work while he moved around the kitchen like a pro. It all looked delicious too. My stomach was grumbling at me since I'd been too nervous about tonight to eat during the day.

"So, I got those forms for you from the foster center if you're interested." He placed my food in front of me and came to sit beside me at the counter.

"I'm definitely interested. I was going to ask: am I allowed to bring them things?"

He nodded. "Oh, yeah, that would be nice. I sometimes bring ice-cream and toys and stuff. They deserve to be spoiled every once in while."

I nodded in agreement. "The girls were really into playing hairdressers, so I thought I'd get them some hair ties and stuff like that."

"I'm sure they'd really like that... You're a nice person."

I smiled and looked down at my food, finally cutting into it. "This looks so good. Thank you for cooking tonight."

"No problem. You hungry?"

I'd taken a bite by this point and nodded my approval, moaning at the taste. "So good," I mumbled, going red when I realized what I'd said.

I'd moaned those two same words when he was inside of me the other night.

Even though I knew he'd noticed what I'd said, he didn't tease me about it.

"I'm glad you called me. I was worried that I'd scared you off the other night."

I shook my head, not feeling like I could speak about it yet. So we finished our dinner and moved to the living room, where I asked him to play something for me.

He seemed to have so much passion for everything he touched.

He played for awhile, his strokes slow and light.

"I really like you..." he told me. "You're deep, and I can't seem to figure you out... But I like you."

I was a little taken back and wasn't sure what to say. Thankfully, he put the guitar down and leaned over to kiss me gently.

I pulled away after a minute even though his lips were as warm and inviting as ever. "I like you too."

He moved back in. "Good," he whispered, kissing me harder.

I pulled back with my hands on his chest. "I like you... but... I'm... I don't know... Can we just... hang out? Be friends?" It sounded horrible.

"You mean you don't want to be in a relationship with me?" That sounded even worse.

"Jake," I sighed, pulling my hands away before he grabbed them.

"I don't know if someone hurt you, and now you won't let me in because of it, but I'm cool with going at whatever pace you want... If the other night was too much, too fast, I'm sorry. If you just want to hang out, we can do that."

"I liked the other night." I gave him a sad, small smile. "I'm sorry... I just can't be in a serious relationship."

"Okay, if you want hanging out, then I can give you hanging out... But you can trust that anything you say won't be repeated or judged by me... I'm a pretty cool person, Rose."

"I know you are... and I'm sorry I'm being weird. I wish I was normal and could just go with the flow..."

He smiled wider and pulled me closer. "Let's just go with the flow then-nothing you don't want."

I wanted his company without the serious involvement. It was so wrong of me to do this to him, but I didn't know how to be a girlfriend and how to let myself connect with him on deeper levels. I didn't want to cause him pain because of it in the future.

"You sure?" I asked.

"I'm cool, baby... I just like you, and I'll take whatever you give."


End file.
